I've been in a long distance relationship for a few months now and just wondering if any TT'ers had any advice?
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What is the length of distance? Have you seen her in person yet?
My husband and I were long distance. We have been married almost 7 years, ogether over 10. He lived in central Michigan at the time, I was in southern Ohio. We were around 3 to 4 hours drive apart.
That being said - you have to visit each other and make it a poin to travel. Emails and calls alone don't build a relationship. Time spent face to face is what really built our relationship - the emails, and calls just helped.
Yes, I've seen her in person several times, we work together. She's in california however. I'm obviously here, so we have a HUGE distance. I just got home from 10 days out there and it's tough. especially since we can't meet in the middlge on a Saturday morning without flying.
From what I've observed, it seems like the long-distance relationships that remain successful typically involve a plan to end up in the same city eventually.
(Ex - one partner moves to another city for grad school for a year or two, then returns to the home city. Or, one partner moves for a job transfer, and the other plans to relocate eventually after finding a job in the new city. Just 2 example scenarios, but you get the idea.)
Also, a big factor in success depends on how much face-time the couple has spent together and/or whether they have ever lived in the same city during the relationship.
No matter how much you think you can get to know a person through e-mails/Skype/phone calls/long weekends, it isn't the same as spending day-to-day time together.
Anyone can be their "best selves" for a weekend. But that doesn't mean they can have a successful relationship with the minutia of day-to-day life.
Once upon a time, a guy I had been dating relocated to the Bay Area. We decided to make a go of the relationship. I flew out there for 2 long weekends a month for almost a year...we talked/emailed daily...we were friends for almost 2 years before even beginning dating, so I knew him quite well.
He wanted to get married. I started interviewing for jobs in the Bay Area. I took an extended trip out there...and I realized that I didn't like the relationship as much once we were in the same place all the time. (Glad I realized it before actually moving out there.) Even though we knew each other quite well...and are still friends to this day...it's still not the same as building a relationship in the same city day-to-day.
I know others who were already strong couples that navigated through brief periods of separation just fine.
For example, one of the happiest couples I know has been together 15 years. (My old college roommate and her now-husband.) They've had a few substantial lengths of time where they lived in different cities...all relating to taking career-enhancing assignments out of town with their respective employers.
They were already such a strong couple it didn't hurt them. Also, they looked at the career opportunities as building a better future together.
(Which seems to have been a smart move on their part to take those opportunities, considering they are now a DINK couple with well over a 6-figure household income.)
Not knowing any more specifics about your relationship, it's hard to offer any specific advice. It's a complicated situation!
(I type too slow...I see you had already added more details by the time I hit "post." Oops!)
Ack...I left out a key detail in my personal story that might cause some confusion.
Bay Area-guy & I had been friends for 2 years before trying the CA-OH long distance relationship. But, we still hadn't ever actually lived in the same city.
(He lived in Chicago before relocating to CA. Half my college friends ended up in Chicago after graduating, and we met through mutual friends when I traveled to Chicago frequently for work.)
So, despite the fact that we really did know each other quite well, it was a whole different situation actually thinking about living in the same city!
It's all new to both of us as far as long distance. I'd be willing to move there, but eventually would want to move back here. Which is fine with her. We made a point to lay all our cards on the table when we were together last week. It seems real, and we get along. That's the best thing. I guess only time and us will tell. Either way, it's a great feeling... just wondered what others thought.
I've seen a lot of long-distance relationships in my day. Many were college friends (except my one personal experience noted above)...friends who graduated a few semesters apart from their significant others, or attended grad school in different cities, etc.
Every experience was so different. It sounds trite to say "if it's meant to be, it will be." And yet, that's sort of true with long distance relationships. (As long as both partners work at it, of course.)
Of course, there are no guarantees even if it isn't long distance, so as long as you're both happy with the way things are going then good for you. :)
We were around 3 to 4 hours drive apart.
Only 4 hours? Shoot, OhioKimono - I'd drive all night just to see you smile in the morning!
I've been in a long distance relationship for a few months now...
I don't know, jim30529. Main Lady has always been happiest when I'm out of town on a job. Of course, that's when the money comes in, so there may be more to it than just not having me underfoot.
Maturity has a lot to do with keeping a long distance relationship alive and working. I've known men who leave home for a six month contract someplace and after the first week the old ball and chain is calling them every day at work, accusing them of drinking and raising hell every night, chasing pole dancers and hanging out at the local meat market. The other side of that quarter is the lady who sends the occasional snail mail letter or card and who talks to you on the phone regularly about the usual crap everyone has to put up with to get through the day.
If you have no plan to eventually live in the same city together, evaluate making and implementing moving, but on no account put your plan into action until you've talked it over with her. My buddy what's-his-name had a long distance relationship once that he thought was very casual, and she ended up on his doorstep one evening with a U-Haul full of stuff and a cat that wasn't really housebroken. This was the result of a one night stand followed by a one week vacation together, which according to him proved that anything more would never work out (she had some odd tastes in the bedroom, and I didn't ask him for specifics), then - Surprise! Hi Honey, I'm home!!
Think about that little scenario for a minute and realize it could happen to you.
So, step one is to live in the same city so you can see each other much more often. You may find that living apart and seeing each other regularly is as good as it gets, but if you want more out of the relationship you're at least in a position to know more about what you're getting into.
Good luck to you.
All my ex's live in Texas
And Texas is the place I'd dearly love to be
But all my ex's live in Texas
And that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee
Rosanna's down in Texarkana
Wanted me to push her broom
Sweet Eileen's in Abilene
She forgot I hung the moon
And Allison's in Galveston
Somehow lost her sanity
And Dimple's who now lives in Temple's
Got the law looking for me
It's hard, I was dating a girl most of college. We had discussed getting married, and things were kinda working that way. Then college was over I couldn't find work, and she had to move back to Houston, TX to find work.
We stuck it out I believe around 8 or so months. Hard but didn't want to break it off. After Christmas that year she drove up, I packed all I could fit into her truck and moved down with her.
This was post .com and I couldn't find work there either. Didn't qualify for burger jobs to make ends meet, couldn't land a computer job either was kinda rough. We both went broke and I ended up moving home. We continued maybe 4-5 months and she called it off.
Still wonder what could have been. It's hard but doable. But no matter how much you love someone if you can't hold them, take walks, catch a movie, it slowly breaks the ties. Only so much you can do over the phone.
Wish you the best of luck. My $0.02.
If it makes you feel any better, a couple months after that is when I re-meet my dad and moved to Ohio. Love life around here and have been w/ the same girl for the last 5 or so years. So it can work out for the better in the end.
i met my wife while she was living in minneapolis and i was in toledo (ten hours apart). we made it two years traveling back and forth a lot, and now we've been married for 7 years. you can do it!