Advise

Sounds like they have a reason that they like to have you here in Toledo. Also the reality is that in a big corporation there are likely relocation policies, and fiscal restrictions that often make it difficult to re-locate unless the company firsts intiate the re-location, and your boss, and bosses boss may have no control over that what so ever. To me the"waiting for something to happen out west" sounds like stalling to give you a real answer. Maybe their budgets do not allow for another "office free" employee in that region, and so it depends on a potential staffing change in that area,

If it were me I would ask your direct supervisor at the end of the week to be very frank and ask them if he/she thinks it is really even a posibility for this to get approved. I always feel like in these cases you just need to be honest and explain that there is nothing personal and that you would understand either way. Do not make your request emotional or you may not get good feedback If you do that you are making it more difficult for your boss to be honest with you while also not making them feel like they are hurting your feelings by being 100% honest.

If not find a new job.

I'm looking for a new position out that way. They have "approved" it- but won't get a date. My company tends to drag their feet. they have been awesome in letting me go back and fourth, however, for obvious personal reasons, you cannnot get married and be 2300 miles apart. makes me sick to even think about it.

The directors in the office out west, love the idea, and have been pulling for the idea for a long time. It truly benefits our business....

Perhaps the salary differential they would have to pay you is an obstacle? Most larger corporations offer that when they relocate you to an area with a significantly higher cost of living.

^^

Ah, good point.

If I recall correctly, we're talking about the Bay Area.

I know you didn't ask about this specific issue, but since you brought up getting married while you still lived in separate cities...

I would strongly encourage you to wait until you've lived in the same city for a substantial length of time before the wedding occurs.

If I recall correctly, you've never actually lived in the same city. This was a long-distance relationship with lots of extended visits, correct?

(Not to sound ominous...I wish you well and hope everything works out fantastically. Just think it would be smart to actually live in the same city for awhile - extended visits are not the same thing, no matter how frequent the visits are.)

OK...unsolicited, but friendly middle-aged advice from someone who has seen a few similar situations in her day is now over. :) ;)

very good advice, mom2

As a veteran of long distance relationships (two serious long distance relationships, both over 1000 miles), mom2 is spot on. How things are when you're only seeing each other for a few days every month or two is not an accurate representation of how they are when you're around each other every day for a presumably unending amount of time.

So the real reason you want to pack up and leave the rust belt for granola land is not business reasons, it's personal reasons. There's nothing wrong with that, but do not attempt to sell me on the idea you're doing me a big favor by relocating when it's more beneficial to you than it is to me (the company).

That said, reiterating GlassCityGuy - do not get emotional about it. Stay calm and set a confidential deadline. When the deadline passes, start looking. When you've got a few interviews, inform your company that you're looking and tell them why. They may reconsider in a matter of hours. Whatever they do, make sure you get an IOC stating the company's intentions.

Mom2 and Johio83 have it right. Long distance never really works out, nor do weekend relationships. If I see someone on the weekend, they get to see the very best I have to offer without benefit of all the crap I carry around during the week. They don't get to see all my annoying little habits and my bad attitude towards trivial inconveniences. All that makes a difference.

One thing you don't cover is her moving here. That's something to think about, and not just about her not moving but why she won't move.

Good luck.

I did long distance while dating (one year apart). I waited 1 1/2 years until we got back together in the same city to get married.

As madjack (sort of...in a more polite way) said (paraphrasing here)...make sure she tolerates the smell of your farts on a Wednesday as much as she enjoys the pleasure of your cleaned-up company on Saturdays.

Thanks for all the advise. Many thing we're crazy for doing things the way we have.. but it's right.

As far as relocating, it's right for the business, I work until 8pm each day (even though we had rotating coverage) because of the time difference. It truly makes sense to be there with the people I wokr with daily... and it happens to benefit me personally.

It will happen, I just have to have a date in my head (as mentioned) to make the move on my owne if needed. I've wanted out of Toledo for a long time, love it here, but just in a funk.... time for a change.

My stepdaughter's new squeeze (he gave her a "promise ring" last month) has just taken a new job in San Diego. He's leaving his old job in Boston to be in the same city as her. They are both in their very late 40's. They both have been traveling back and forth between Boston and San Diego to see each other for about 10 months.

They knew each other in high school and reconnected at a funeral. He's never been married. She's a widow (5 yrs.) He's head over heels. She's accepted the promise ring, paid some big airline ticket fees for her travel to see him but still seems a little cautious. They are not moving in together. He's looking for an apartment. She owns a home. Its been interesting watching this. As her stepmom I just want her happy. We like him.

Apparently his field of work is fairly portable (computer programming) and he must be good at it because he had no trouble finding a good paying position.

I wish you happiness and good fortune. I think my stepdaughter's cautiousness is well founded. At ages 40+ what's the rush?

holland, that's a fantastic way to do it. It's very important not to be dependent on each other. Going right from long distance to roommates is a bit of a shock to the system. Definitely best to spend some time at the very important "dating" stage, where you each have different places to go home to. No matter how convinced you are that you're soul mates, perfect for each other, etc, enough can't be said for taking the proper steps.

In a weird sports analogy: no matter how good that rookie QB might have looked coming out of college, nobody disagrees that he'll have a better transition into the league if he can play behind a veteran signal caller for a season or two first. In that same regard, if you want long term success out of your relationship, let everything take its course.

I am just getting impatient with my employer as to that they won't "give the date" to move. I'm going to try to give it until Oct. 1st, and then see if we have an update, and then make a decision on what to do. I just get impatient and I know it's my own dumb ass for getting involved with someone so far, but truly miss her and the family and the daily "life" So hopefully I get the green light from my company very soon!

Hope you get some positive news soon. :)

Thanks Mom 2