Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the market:
" Perrysburg Barbie" - Sold only at Perrysburg Commons
She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
Sylvania / Waterville Barbie
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
East Toledo Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Ottawa Hills Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Point Place Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
Old West End Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"West Toledo Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
veeerry good - laughing so hard I choked on my coffee
What about Warehouse District Barbie?
Possible inspiration for such a doll, this comment from September 2005 :
I talked with the real estate person for the Bartley Lofts
. I asked her who was buying them. She said single men age 27 to 35. Yeah, she gave me the exact age range. She said they were mainly lawyers, brokers, and accountants. Then it skips ahead a couple generations, and she said older, single women [divorced or widowed with money but no interest in yard work] are buying them.
While I was there, a few older women were checking out the loft and asking about the process of buying one. The real estate agent gave me a fact sheet. The building has 52 units on six floors. The cheapest on the list goes for $196,630, and that's 1,293 sq. ft. The most expensive one available for sale is $387,632, and that one is 2,200 sq. ft. on the seventh floor.
Bartley lofts are tax abated I believe. Meaning they're paying a premium on the real estate now and it'll eventually go back down in value when the abatement expires. It's kind of a scam, but nobody claimed debt-ridden yuppies were smaht.
I saw that barbie thing a few months ago, but it had pictures.
Here ya go. Back by popular demand!
I think there's a mistake...Point Place doesn't have any mobile homes or trailer parks...and where's the BOAT???
I want a boat with my Point Place barbie!
Point Place Barbie is broke - boat sold separately. Check the classifieds for a cheap, used boat.
It looks like West Toledo Barbie has 2 different daddies for her two kids (kind of obvious if you do a close-up)
Ha, what a class act!!!
About 4 houses down from where I live now (in West Toledo), there was a recently divorced guy living alone. Evidently forgetting his previous experience in the field of love, he hooked up with some chick that had about 4 kids from 3 previous guys. The oldest kid decided to go on a burglary spree in the neighborhood. Nice neighbors, huh? He was caught and that family thankfully made its exit from my "Hood".
I grew up in a small town. I hate to admit that some stereotypes are dead-on, but people in smaller towns are generally much better behaved that what I have experienced in lovely Toledo....
I've heard people call Point Placers East Siders that won the lottery.
The 2 best days of peoples lives are when they buy a boat and the day they sell it. They were probably talking about power boats which are a misnomer and boring as hell on top of that.
The 2 best reasons to have a boat are storm sailing and going out in the middle of the lake at 5AM to watch the sunrise. The former is one of the most exhilarating experiences ever. The latter is peacefully amazing.
It's always good to be Offshore!
Hey what about the South end??
Do we get a Barbie too or are we stuck as Skipper the perky but annoying little sister?
I guess thats better then being South Toledo Ken.