Fathers Rights

Just a sad situation

I think its unfortunate that there are people who will blame him for "disrupting" the kids life and taking him away from "the only family he has ever known."

He has been working to get custody since the child was born, and the prospective adoptive family chose to fight it for 3 years. Had this been settled quickly from the beginning, the child wouldn't be in this position. I place far more blame with the prospective adoptive parents...and also with the biological mom.

Something that has made me nervous about making sure "the one" is really the one is because of a friend of my moms when I was little.

His wife was emotionally abusive, and ended up cheating on him a couple times. He was a really nice guy from what I knew and in the end he barely got shared custody.

Just don't see how that's right.

If you have never gone through a custody or divorce, count your blessings. In a flawed legal system, these 2 types of cases seem to be the most costly. Both financially and emotionally for everyone involved.
For a legal system that treats many like herds of cattle, very little is done to hear individual stories and/or testimonies. The attorneys make their money, while most things are decided by a chart or seemingly a flip of a coin.
It is simply the worst thing ever to go through. There will be no winners in this case either. Only those left with pain and suffering. Hopefully they can work through it and be able to move forward.

The courts are still leaning towards mom. It is changing. Slowly.

Now, the parents get parenting classes and undergo psychological exams if there is a question of custody.

It is really up to the two adults to be adults. My X and I have shared parenting. There is no child support or alimony involved. The children come first. It worked for us.

Too many times the children become pawns in a very ugly game.

I blame the mom in this case for not being upfront about the paternaty of her child before signing adoption papers. What gives her the right to give his child away? What kind of person does that?
I feel there should be more laws protecting fathers. Perhaps a penalty of sorts to these mothers that dont let their x's know she has given birth. Perhaps requiring a fathers signature as well as a paternaty test before allowing an adoption.

The Blade article seems to indicate that the attorney for the adoptive parents may have made promises about the process that he shouldn't have and sort of guaranteed they would win custody. Sad all the way around.

abortiion laws are similar. If a female wants to kill her baby and the father does not - it gets killed. You can read case after case where the father petitioned the court to save his baby, and to hold the mother to zero financial or any other type of support after the birth, but the abortion always goes thru.

The only person who should be involved in the decision to have an abortion is the mother. She's going to have to carry the fetus to term and care for the child after birth.

In this case the child's mother and father were never married and have no relationship. Keeping the welfare of the child at the top of the priority list, I think the situation should have been left alone. If Benjamin Wyrembek wants children, let him find a wife first, children second.

It seems like the adoption agency should have recognized the register the biological father completed and red flagged it right away.

The kid loses in this situation. All because the mother hooks up with a guy and is married to another at the time of birth. Where's the phone number for Jerry Sprenger

I'm not passing judgment on anybody in this case, even if I have an opinion on the situation.

What I will throw out here is that these types of situations are exactly why adoptive parents are getting Chinese and Korean babies and bringing them to the United States instead of adopting children born here who need a stable loving family. There is a much lower (practically zero) chance a baby adopted from China will be sought by the parents who gave him/her up (due to distance and "one-child-per-family" rules).

I'm not saying anything bad about adopting from foreign nations--anybody who opens their home and hearts to a child anywhere in the world has a big heart. But you can't tell me that people who are looking for children to adopt are not dismissing American-born kids because they are afraid of the legal and financial repercussions of a birth mother/father wanting to now be involved. And unfortunately (in cases that are much more clear cut than this one) courts have agreed, opened up sealed adoption records, and practically forced the birth parents on the adoptive family.

In this case however, looks like the birth father got hosed...and the situation has spiraled out of control ever since.

There's too many details about this case I don't know. However, my gut tells me if this "father" cared at all for this child, he wouldn't take him away from the only parents,and sibling/s he's ever known. That's bound to mess the kid up.

Good point, Jeep. And in a previous article, the adoptive parents' attorney says the bio-dad never asked for visitation or even sent a birthday card.

The kid is 3, for chrissakes. Let him be.

I can't believe there are so many people who would promote what is essentially "squatter's rights" to a child.

Annie - if your husband had taken your child at birth and raised him with another woman for a couple of years, are you saying you should have no right to your own child? Whoever has the kid the longest "wins" whether or not they should have been the ones raising the child in the first place?

Or would it be different because you're the mother, and mothers are "more important" than fathers?

The Vaughns should have done the right thing at the outset - when the baby was less than a month old. Now they are crying foul because they dragged out the process long enough to try to gain sympathy as "the only family he has ever known"?

Its a shame that they have been manipulating the system this way & are trying to entice the public into ganging up on the boy's father. (The Facebook page calls for the public to make letter writing campaigns on their behalf.)

It's really easy for people outside the situation to look in and judge. This is a matter between these two parties and the court. The fact that seemingly everything in our society becomes a matter for public opinion and slander is ludicris. All I hope is that from this situation, the adoption process might change for the better. I never want to hear about something like this happening again.

The situation is horrible.
Try to imagine yourself as the child. All of a sudden, you are taken away from the only "home" you ever had, and you're now with some stranger. Can you even fathom the fear the poor child will go through? I mean, to a child, Mommy and Daddy represent safety, love, everything.
This isn't a puppy for crying out loud, it's a human child.
Proclaiming "fathers rights" at this late stage is ridiculous.
If the "father" decided it was his "right" to demand an abortion would they kill the child?

Calm down jeep. The kid is 3 years old. He probably won't even remember any of this by the time he's 5. It's not like he's gong to be given to a white slave ring.

There are too many holes to really even form an opinion.

I know that when it comes to children, the case is usually put through as quickly as possible as they feel it is best to make a decision concerning children and get on with it. Why has this taken 3 years?

What type of contact did Dad have during those three years?

All I see is this guy found out an x girlfriend had this baby. What were the circumstances of that whole mess?

So many questions -- no answers whatsoever in The Toledo Blade.

Yeah, but if you want to know what city employees make, the Blade is your place.

I've rather enjoyed reading some of these parents posts that were able to raise their children from birth and never EVER had to worry about the welfare of their flesh and blood.

Madjack said, "In this case the child's mother and father were never married and have no relationship. Keeping the welfare of the child at the top of the priority list, I think the situation should have been left alone. If Benjamin Wyrembek wants children, let him find a wife first, children second."

What about the FATHER'S involvement with his child?

The FATHER of the child has MORE RIGHTS to their child than a set of adoptive parents. I fathered a child and had that six-month-old child stolen from me by a (censored) that was what amounts to be a one night stand a week before the custodial hearing where I was going to be awarded custody. What about that, Madjack? Went 18 years, every day's first thought is:"I hope my baby girl is ok today". Eighteen years.

Could you do it? Probably. Are you going to WANT to bring another child into the world with the slimmest chance this event would happen again? No.

After finding my daughter and re-establishing a relationship with her, I found that HER earliest memory was 3 years old. It was only one. The rest were of her at 5 years old entering kindergarden. And this was when she was 18, not 40, where the memory is already shot.

JeepMaker said, "There's too many details about this case I don't know. However, my gut tells me if this "father" cared at all for this child, he wouldn't take him away from the only parents,and sibling/s he's ever known. That's bound to mess the kid up."

Totally agree, Jeepmaker, had the child been 6 or 7 years old. Even 5 years old is pushing it. By that time parental status has been emotionally established. I know my girl told me had I come and took her back and sent her mom to jail when she was 7 when I finally ended my quest to re-enter her life that she would have hated me for the rest of her life. But not at 3. They still have problems recognizing numbers and letters at 3, let alone understand parents and their role, even with the nurturing and love from the parents.

After meeting my daughter for the first time in her life, I saw a lot of me in her. She harbored a lot of my traits that I picked up on without even saying anything to her. To have another man raise her like she did without my involvement whatsoever is an insult to the right to father and raise your own child as you see fit.

Many of you present parents miss those features of your child because you're there, part of their lives. But when you lose your child and live each day missing and wondering, perspectives change.